


revelation

by Cloudnine101



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Dark, M/M, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4688087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudnine101/pseuds/Cloudnine101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Is this the part where you sweep me off my feet? Because I'm pretty sure that's not how this is going to work."</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	revelation

_nulla_

 

It goes like this: 

 

_Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven._

 

Matt can't remember the rest.

 

_i_

 

Foggy kisses him beneath the apartment, when it is raining. It's cold, and Matt is rubbing his arms, and Foggy is shivering. He has goosebumps. Matt can feel them.

"Stupid day to wear a t-shirt," Foggy says - and he is still making jokes, even though his heart is jumping out of his chest, bumping and thumping around. Hitting the walls.

"Foggy," Matt says, and he wants to say _thank you_ , and he can't find the words. "Are you cold?" 

Foggy shrugs, casual and perfect and carefree, and everything that Matt isn't.

Matt is ugly. He fumbles with words. He can't hold them. They slip out of his mouth, taking chunks from his teeth. He can barely think to grimace.

"Yeah," Foggy says, and then they are _making out_. Like _wildfire_. Foggy's hands are on his back, rupturing the fabric of Matt's coat, and Matt tugs him in close, and Foggy's body is wet and sticking. 

"Matt," Foggy says, "we're going to get soaked. Matt. We should go in. Please, Matt. We can't - oh my God, yes, yes, yes - "

They kiss, and then they go upstairs, and Matt is saying _thank you thank you thank you_ , with his hands and his mouth and his gestures, and Foggy's tugging his wrist, and giggling, and pushing them together.

 

 

That night, he fights. Matt's lips are split. He's bloody. His clothes are torn, and his hair is mussed. His knuckles are white. He is crouching on a rooftop, and he is looking through a window, and he is listening to Foggy asleep in his bed, turning over and over like a pinwheel. The crinkling of the sheets. The puffs of breath. The heartbeat.

 _I love you_. Matt mouths the words to the window, through a mouthful of crooked teeth and blood and dust. Tastes them. Tests them. He spits - rubs his boots in the dirt, and takes off running, and doesn't look back.

 

 

In the morning, Foggy beams at him, over the morning paper, happy and peaceful and content - and if he knew the monster Matt truly is, he'd be running. But he doesn't. And he won't. So they eat breakfast, and Foggy glows, and Matt does not think about how it _will not last_.

 

_ii_

 

Matt takes out a drug ring. He confronts an addict, in the process. He's holding a gun. Large, black thing. The man's hands are trembling. He doesn't stand a chance.

Matt stands in Foggy's bathroom, and scrubs and scrubs at himself until he is clean again. He uses Foggy's aftershave. He uses Foggy's soap. He takes Foggy's flannel, and he rubs it over his skin, even though he wouldn't normally. Not ever.

Afterwards, he sits with his back against the bedroom door, and listens to Foggy breathe, regular as clockwork.

 

 

He makes oranges, and peels them on the sofa, mechanical. He puts them on a paper plate, after he has made Foggy sandwiches. He left them on the counter. They're cheese and pickle, on white bread. They've been buttered to within an inch of their lives. 

"Matt?" Foggy says. "You okay?"

And it's said with such calmness - such love - that it takes Matt's breath away.

 _How am I good enough for you?_ he tries to say. _How can I ever be good enough?_

Foggy leans over his shoulder, and wraps warm arms around his shoulders, and presses coffee scented kisses against his cheek.

 _I love you_ , Matt says, _I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, and one day, you won't want me anymore._

"Sure," Matt says, and then he flicks Foggy's shoulder, and they're laughing and laughing and laughing, like they'll never stop. Foggy chases him around the apartment, hurdling furniture.

That night, they fall asleep on the couch, chests brushing. Matt tangles his fingers in Foggy's hair.

 

_iii_

 

\- because of course. Consequence. That's the way these things work. The prince gets the princess, and the dragon gets the swamp, and there are _consequences_.

Foggy is angry. He's steaming. He's giving off heat. His clothes are dripping, and he's yelling, and _this is it. This is it, this is it, this is it._

"I can't trust you," Foggy says, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

And he doesn't even know, a little voice is screaming. He can't even tell. He knows what you are, and he knows how you are broken, and he cannot see enough to walk away.

Foggy storms out. He slams the door. It shakes the room. It shakes the walls.

 

 _iv_  

 

_Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven._

There are bodies in the ceiling, and bodies in the walls, and bodies beneath the floorboards. Matt can see them when he walks. Delicate hands and feet. 

Matt goes to Confession. He closes his eyes during the service, and waits - soaks in the hush, revels in it.

Afterwards, he sits in the booth, alone, and he does not make a sound.

 

 _v_  

 

"Am I a good man?"

It is on loop inside his head. It is a record. It's stuck. Matt gasps past it. He's quiet. He's on the edge of the building, pitching into the wind.

He spreads his arms wide, and falls.

 

_vi_

 

Foggy comes back. He doesn't talk. Matt doesn't reply.

 _Why?_ he is saying. _Why? Why me? Why us?_

 _I'm sorry_ , Matt is saying. _I love you. I love you. I love you. Forgive me._

 

 _vii_  

 

Foggy runs a hand along his back, in the space between his shoulder blades.

 _Forgive me_ , Matt is saying, _forgive me, forgive me, forgive me._

"Matt," Foggy says. "I don't know if I can stay. Okay?"

And Matt is damned, he is damned, he is damned.

"Give me time," Foggy is saying. "This is all pretty new. I mean, I'm all up for leather, but the rest of it? Wow, Matt. Wow."

"Sure," Matt says, and chokes, "whatever you need."

 

 

He goes running. It takes the ache off. He eats. He sleeps. He goes running. The air whips by. His boots pound. He is in the night sky, and he is a burst of light, and he is bright, and he has not done wrong.

_Once, Foggy asked him what he could see._

Matt fasts. He doesn't eat. It hurts, at first, and then it doesn't. He lies back on the sofa, and he listens to daytime television.

_Matt told him that he could see flames; the light and shade of the world, but not its inhabitants._

Foggy sits in the office, and Matt listens to him type and breathe, type and breathe, type and breathe.

_It is the truth, and at the same time, it is a lie, just like everything else._

Once, he begins to cry. Softly, at first, and then loudly.

_You can't not see Foggy Nelson. It's like not seeing the Sun._

 

 _viii_  

 

 _Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,_ Matt says.

 _What have you done?_ he is asked. _My son._

 _I have been silent_ , Matt says. _I did not tell him._

A hand rests atop his own, soft and sure.

"Matthew," the Priest says. "Go home."

 

 _ix_  

 

"Is this the part where you sweep me off my feet? Because I'm pretty sure that's not how this is going to work."

Foggy has his arms crossed over his chest. He's unhappy. He's tense. His heart is stable.

"I brought pizza," Matt says. He holds up the box. It smells good. He'd happily eat the whole thing now.

Foggy's shoulders slump. He sighs. He exhales. 

"Fine," Foggy says, and lets him pass.

 

 

They eat pizza together on the sofa in silence, which Foggy breaks, eventually. Matt has never been so glad to hear anything.

"I loved you, you know. And you lied."

And Matt is damned, Matt is damned, Matt is damned.

"I love you," Matt says. "I always have. And I know you can't love me back, anymore, and that's alright, because I'm so stupidly in love with you that I value your happiness over my own. And I trust you. And I know that if you could love me, you would. And that's enough.

"I won't ask for your forgiveness, Foggy," Matt says. And he doesn't.

Foggy exhales. _Alright_ , he seems to say. _Alright_. But Matt is not sure, anymore.

 

 _x_  

 

Matt falls asleep with Foggy's head in his lap, and a pizza carton between them. It is the closest he has been in a long time.

 _Yes_ , Matt is saying, _yes, yes, I am. Absolutely. Whatever you need. Take your time._

And Foggy kisses him, and takes his face in his hands, and tells him -

 

 _xi_  

 

_Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven._

_Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil._

 

And that is how it goes.


End file.
